You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
