do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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