i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
