Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
