The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
