It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
