I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
