Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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