A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
