yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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