ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
