That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
