Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
