dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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