Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
