hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this beer tastes like vomit already
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Randomize
