Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
