Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
try to milk me bitch
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