Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the day after is always just damage control
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
