i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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