nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
