dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
