I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
