I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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