bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
