oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
