Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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