I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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