I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
