i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
