If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
