She's JV to your varsity
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
