ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my shit smells like andre
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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