Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
