I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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