She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize