I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
