Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
