I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
