Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
