Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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