We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
