If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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