Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize