just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
