that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
