watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
