come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
