im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
