Need sex. Gaining weight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
