I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
God I need to hump something, right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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