Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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