all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
