careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
pray to the hookup gods
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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