So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
