Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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