Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
