She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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