You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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