I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
