mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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