I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The air taste purple.
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