If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize