Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
