I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
