wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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