You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
