so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
