I smell stomach acid.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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