How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
