some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
