Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
