ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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