I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
