Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
