I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
