I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
