I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
