Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
