It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
