The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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