Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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