It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
