you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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