HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
