Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.

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(+61): View more from Australia

i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.

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(660): View more from Missouri

The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment

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(450): View more from Quebec

She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now

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