So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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