I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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