my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
