i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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