we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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