Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can you bring me the toilet please
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
