I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
