Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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