I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
