adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
