WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
