So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
