don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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