Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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