take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My life is pants optional.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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