She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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