thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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