i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need to calm my uterus...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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